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Headlines: The Real Secret Of Our Success
By Smaktakula He’ll Go Halfsies With You On Gas. But For Your Own Sanity, Avoid The Topic Of Non-Aryan Drivers. In which we comment on the headlines without first reading the articles. *** The Task in...
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Bald Can Be Beautiful
By Smaktakula The world fell in love with singer Kellie Pickler when she shaved her head to highlight breast cancer awareness. See? Bald Can Be Beautiful. And we don’t disagree. Given the vapid,...
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Headlines: 09.17.12
By Smaktakula ‘Cause You’ve Already Got The Job, Bro-Ski! As the news articles of the day are so replete with unfamiliar words and challenging concepts, we’re happy simply to comment on the headlines....
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Headlines 10.02.12
By Smaktakula See, Folks? Scientists Aren’t Any Smarter Than You Are, And Apparently Get Laid About As Frequently. *** In which we opine on the headlines of the day without bothering to read the...
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Headlines 10.16.12
By Smaktakula Look, We Tried, But She Refused To Take It Seriously. She Kept Wanting To Play Charades. In Which We Comment On The Headlines Without Bothering To Read The Articles *** 9 Reasons Why...
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Headlines 11.02.12
By Smaktakula Yeah, That’s Pretty Damn Easy For You To Say, But Real People Are Affected By This Tragedy. For One Thing, The Guy Who Lives There Owes Us $13.75! In which we showcase our unparalleled...
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The Zeitgeist Has Forsaken Tardsie
By Tardsie Apparently This Space-Waster Is A Recent American Idol Winner. We’re None The Richer For The Knowledge. The following recent conversation between my wife and I should illustrate the vast and...
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Headlines 12.10.12
By Smaktakula Once A Staple In Grocery Store Check-Out Aisles Across The Nation, The Weekly World News’ Folksy Exaggerations And Fanciful Tales Were No Match For The Real-Time Prevarications And...
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Headlines: In Fact, Yes We Did
By Smaktakula “Yes, Bonnie–Mr. Clinton Is Aware Of Your Article. But The Former President Is A Very Busy Man, And We All Think It’s Best If Maybe You Don’t Call Any More.” In which we comment on the...
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Palm Sunday Papal Headlines
By Smaktakula At Last! A Return To Blood Sacrifice! In which we remark upon the headlines of articles we haven’t bothered to read, and pontificate upon a pontiff we know nothing about.¹ *** Pope...
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Headlines: When Pigs Float
By Smaktakula Ha! Tell Me About It. There’s A “Steve” Story About This Very Thing! Because we learn everything we need to know about the world from the headlines of the day! *** Police remove woman who...
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Somehow–Some Way–We Will Go On
By Smaktakula “Now Who Will Tell Me What To Think Of The Movies I Watch?” The world has lost two very special people in recent days, both of whom made significant contributions to popular culture and...
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Headlines: Why Not Miss Saigon?
By Smaktakula Much Like A Tramp-Stamp Which Reads “WHORE,” This Is A Great Example Of Truth In Advertising. In which we comment on the day’s headlines without first bothering to read the articles. ***...
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Headlines: Eat Like A Bird
By Smaktakula No, We’re Not Going To Use This As A Cheap Opportunity To Poke Fun At Nigeria. People Have To Live In That Lightless Hellhole, You Know. In which we comment on the day’s headlines without...
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Headlines: Badly-Named And Born To Kill
By Smaktakula His Crime? That Fucking Name. In which we celebrate our ignorance by commenting on the headlines of news stories we can’t be bothered to actually read. *** Only Children: Lonely and...
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Overheard In The Bathroom At An Erasure Concert
By Tardsie You Wouldn’t Normally Expect To See A Lot Of Gay People At An Erasure Show, But Life Is Stranger Than Fiction Sometimes. Several years ago I was at an Erasure concert in Southern California....
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Headlines: Get On Your Knees And Fight Like A Man
By Smaktakula How Conceited Are The Folks In South Haven?–They Clearly Believe Their Shit Don’t Stink. You can read the articles if you want. We didn’t. We’re just talking about the headlines. *** 11...
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More Things We Believe
By Tardsie We Don’t Believe In The Chupacabra, Mexico’s Infamous Goat-Sucking Cryptid, But We Kinda Wish We Did. It’s Hella Cool. *** If you find yourself in agreement with your political party more...
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Headlines: We’re Not Laughing, Ricky
By Smaktakula No Matter How Loudly We Trumpet Our Innocence, The Man’s Always Trying To Bring Us Down. In which we celebrate ignorance by responding the headlines of news articles we have not bothered...
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Headlines: Is There A Moose Under There?
By Smaktakula Be On The Lookout For This Adorable Sex Criminal. His Most Frequent Tactic Is To Leave A Chew-Toy In Plain Sight On The Sidewalk. Victims Foolish Enough To Bend Over To Pick Up The Toy...
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